New York City, center of the universe
by InnnaB
Summary: Klaine/Malec/Doctor Who. Written in a fit of euphoria, so it's probably a disaster, but hey, I hope it's at least a funny disaster. Feel free to review and criticize all you want ;


_This was weird. _

The tall warlock stared at the Nymph-like creature in front of him, wondering what the hell was going on there. The two boys had appeared out of this air, successfully ruining his make-out session with Alec – much to Clary's delight that was.

"So... you're mundanes?" Alec finally asked, circling the two boys, who were more than frightened.

"Is that... is that something like muggles?" Blaine asked, gripping his boyfriend's hand. The two in front of them burst into laughter, "Did I say something wrong?" he wondered.

"Mu...muggles?" Magnus couldn't breathe, "poor little mundie, read too much Harry Potter?"

"HEY!" Kurt raised his voice, "Do _not_ dare offend Harry Potter, you tall horrendous … oh my god, I love your nail polish! I've been looking for this shade for ages...! Where did you get it?"

"Barney's," the warlock answered tersely. He was most definitely starting to like this mundane. He had... style.

"Okay, okay... can someone explain to me what the heck just happened? Who are you two and how did you get here and _what the hell are you doing here?_" Clary's voice came from behind the bar. Magnus's loft had once again been transformed into a night club, colorful smoke pouring from everywhere and there was glitter all over the room. A bar had been made using a couple of trash cans, which propped a door dislodged from its frame. A small red-haired girl had just popped out from behind it and was staring sat the two intruders in horror.

"Well... my name is Blaine Warb...Anderson. And this is Kurt Hummel," Blaine began feeling all the eyes in the room turn to him,"and I have no idea what happened. Kurt and I got into this blue phone booth, we were going to try and call someone, because our car broke down," the shorter boy noticed with the corner of his eye Magnus rolling his eyes,"anyways, on the inside the booth was impossibly big, like... just no. And then there was someone screaming and... uhm... well, something happened. I don't really know what... it kind of...shuttered... and then... well, we were dumped out here. Literally. Someone kicked us out of it. And there you were... and I'm not sure what happened next. Who the hell are _you?_" he eyed everybody around him.

There was the glittery warlock staring at the intruders, mouth gaping in amazement and gripping the back of the nearest chair. His companion, a tall dark-haired boy, maybe 18 or 19, was staring in shock unable to say anything.

"Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on? Why are you two so shell-shocked?" the redhead answered, eyes glistering with anger. Apparently, Kurt and Blaine weren't the only ones in the dark here.

"Clary," Alec began, turning to face her, "Call Jace. Tell him... code blue. He's got to come here ASAP. You understand?"

"NO I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU ASS-HAT TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Clary shouted. She gripped the nearest mango and threw it at Alec. He couldn't react fast enough and it hit him right in the face, missing Kurt by a few inches.

"Hey... HEY!" he screamed, trying to get her attention, as she was lunging at the black-haired boy once again, "you listen to me, creepy little leprechaun-esque dwarf... I've been somehow _transported_ from the side of a road in Ohio, I've been hurled around in an impossibly ginormous blue phone box and on top of everything I landed in a glittery wannabe-warlock's lair without anybody explaining a damn to me. And I don't even have my _hairspray with me!_ Now you'll calm your crazy hair down and you'll listen to whatever these two," he pointed at Magnus and Alec,"have to say if that's going to get me and my boyfriend out of here before ten o'clock, because my father is going to kill us if we're late once more. _Am I making myself clear here?_"

Dead silence followed this little speech. Eventually Magnus decided to speak up.

"I know it might be very weird right now... but about this hairspray, if you come with me, I still have some..." gratitude washed all over Kurt.

"Yes. Please. Hair-disaster. Being shaken in a box doesn't do much good to your hair, apparently..." he said and followed Magnus in the other room.

"Who are you?" Blaine asked, looking around the room. The streetlights were casting dim pools of light as he walked towards the window. It was a dark night and he could see the full moon outside.

"I'm sorry... I never properly introduced myself," Alec began, smiling as he came closer to the younger boy,"my name is Alec Lightwood. And this leprechaun there," he chuckled as Clary threw another fruit at him, "is Clarissa Fray. My brother's girlfriend and currently, our prisoner."

Now Blaine was confused, "Uhm... prisoner? So... you guys are the police?"

"No, not exactly. I'm a Shadowhunter. A demon-hunter," he added, noticing Blaine's ever growing confusion,"yes, demons exist, there are Nephilim, Shadowhunters, demon-hunters, whatever-you-want-to-call-us, we find and kill demons, and basically act as police for the Downworlders – vampires, werewolves, the Fair Folk and warlocks."

Blaine gaped at him. Eventually, he gathered enough composure to ask, "_What _are you guys on?"

It was Alec's turn to be confused. Thankfully, Magnus and Kurt reappeared this moment, sparing the tall boy's obligation to answer.

"You... you sparkle?" Blaine looked at Kurt, who was now covered in glitter. The younger boy chuckled and kissed him boyfriend's cheek.

Kurt was covered in some sort of silvery-glitter droplets that shined with his every movement.

"You look magnificent, Kurt. And coming from me, that's a complement," Magnus winked. This didn't go unnoticed by both Blaine and Alec and they grabbed their respective boyfriends. Kurt just laughed.

"Well, I'm gonna trust you on this one, Magnus," he said with a huge grin, freeing himself from Blaine's grip, "but however much I might enjoy flirting with you, there's a more urgent situation here... did leprechaunette here call that Jack guy and how are we getting home? Which reminds me... where are we?"

"New York City," Clary responded immediately, "And his name is Jace. He's supposed to b here any minute now." Cue the door being ripped off it's frame and the golden haired god-esque creature rushing in.

"What the hell, Clary? I got your voice-mail... what's going on and who are these two?" he panted heavily.

"These two are mundanes," Jace rolled his eyes, muttering something that sounded a lot like, _Mundanes again? How many times do we have to nearly get them killed?_, "and they've been kidnapped by the Doctor. Or they walked into the TARDIS. Whatever it was, they were dumped here. But we have a clue to him. He's in New York, Jace and if we're lucky enough we're gonna catch him this time..." Alec rushed through all this information in one breath.

"So... the Doctor you say... let's go then. You two," he pointed at Kurt and Blaine, "are coming with us. You have to tell us what the TARDIS looked like and actually give us all the information you have,"

"What about me, Jace," Clary joined the crowd, looking pleadingly at him.

"You stay here. After you killed that moose, you have to serve some time,"

"But Jace..."

"I said no. You know moose are extinct. And it's wrong killing moose. _With your bare hands, Clary!_ You're staying here with Chairman Meow," his tone was final.

"Feed the cat, Clary. And you can watch Sex and the City while we're gone... I have the complete DVD collection right over there..." Magnus winked.

Kurt noticed that and sighed, "He flirts with everything that moves. He told me he once hooked up with a mermaid... but only once, cuz he didn't like the way they smelled,"

"Oh, really? And you believe that..." Blaine sounded exasperated.

"Well, yes, Blaine, I do believe that. Because he, for once, doesn't start whining when I suggest a little more glitter might actually make an outfit look better."

"_You don't even know the guy, Kurt! For all we both know, they're all on something dangerous and we need to get out of here as soon as humanly possible!"_

"I wouldn't suggest that," Magnus had materialized next to them, apparently eavesdropping on the cute couple, "See these two. Parabatai. Strong. Jace, the blond one, has more than the normal amount of angel blood, thus making him impossibly strong. Alec is incredibly handy with the bow. If you try to run, they're most likely to just hunt you down and bring you back here,"

Well, that didn't sound good.

"What are you then? Their sparkly hand-maiden?" Blaine asked, trying to pick a fight with the magnificent warlock.

"Actually," he responded, little blue flames appearing at his fingertips, making both Kurt and Blaine jump back, "I'm a warlock. And also, I'm doing Alec. That good enough for you, mundane?"

The shorter boy's breath hitched. Suddenly he was scared. He looked sideways at his boyfriend who looked quite impressed by the show the warlock was putting on.

"Okay, you ready, because _we_ are leaving?" Jace's voice came from the foyer.

"Jace..." Clary began, but he cut her off.

"No, Clary. You punched a moose. You killed it. You're staying here. Bye!"

It was a chilly New York night and Kurt shivered. His Marc Jacobs scarf wasn't gonna do him much good in this weather.

"You cold, Nymph?" Magnus' voice came from behind him. He nodded slightly and the next second the warlock was handing him a jacket. Its soft material felt good on Kurt's shoulders.

"Is this..."

"Yeap. Marc Jacobs Fall/Winter collection. Not even in stores yet. Take it as a gift … something to remember me by," he winked and then hurried ahead to talk battle strategies with Alec.

"That's one hell of a weird guy," Blaine commented, taking Kurt's hand. He just laughed. Yeah, Magnus was weird, but good weird...

They took the L train to get to Times Square, where their search was to begin.

"So, mundane," Jace began, "you say you got into the TARDIS to make a call. Then, it shook and there was shouting and you were dumped in Magnus' apartment. _How the hell does this happen?" _he sounded very amused. The light was shining in his eyes and they looked golden.

"I don't know, Goldilocks, and I don't want to know. It just happened, okay? And now here we are. And also, I have a name. And it's Kurt," the younger boy said, fire in his blue eyes. Alright, he was stunningly beautiful and Kurt would gladly switch genders just so he could be with that arrogant bastard, but he was oh-so-annoying...

"Whatever. What did that box look like?" he continued, clearly amused by the other boy's response.

"Blue. It said Police something on the outside. I don't know, I was too stunned to notice anything once we were inside. All I know is that it was big,"

"Did you see the Doctor?" Alec joined in on the conversation, piercing blue eyes fixed on him.

"No. We just heard shouting. And then we were dumped. And what the heck were you two doing when we appeared?" Kurt remembered Magnus and Alec on the couch, doing something that would perfectly fit in an R-rated novel.

"None of your business, mundane. Shut up," the taller boy snapped, coloring red to his scalp.

They got off at Times Square in dead silence. Blaine was tightly holding Kurt's hand as if his life depended on it, still thinking these guys had all escaped from some sort of asylum. Yet, how else would their impossible journey be explained? They were actually in New York, and you don't just get into a phone booth on the side of the road in Ohio and land in New York City. Maybe this was all some sort of weird dream and he was about to wake up in Kurt's bed, and then laugh it all off in the morning, while drinking their Mochas on the way to school... this had got to be it, this was all a dream...

"Hm?" Magnus' voice broke his train of thoughts, "you're thinking this is all a dream, and you're actually in bed, snuggling with your boyfriend... first love, I guess?"

Blaine flushed, "Yes? Got a problem with that?"

"No, not really. I just remember my first love... oh, who am I kidding, I'm eight hundred years old, I have no idea who it was," he laughed.

Eight hundred years old? What? Kurt's voice interrupted, "You're eight hundred? Wow, that's gotta be one hell of moisturizing regime... what products do you use?"

"Guys? Is that the box?" Alec's voice broke off Magnus' ramble about day cremes and tonics.

They were standing in front of the big blue phone booth, and Kurt and Blaine exchanged looks.

"Definitely. So, what, we knock?"

"We knock the door down, alright," Kurt could feel the smirk in Jace's voice.

"There now, no need for violence, is there?" another voice came from behind. The five of them turned around and there was a man standing there. He was tall with unruly brown hair and black rimmed glasses.

"Doctor?" Magnus was the first one to speak. There was some sort of glow to his cat-like eyes and it made everybody question his tone.

"Well, well, well... if it isn't Magnus Bane. What's up, bro?" the man, calling himself the Doctor, relaxed a little. Magnus stepped forward and shook his hand.

"Not much. Haven't seen you since 1878, how have you been? That's Alec, by the way," he smirked, "and that's Jace, his parabatai – or as you may call it, companion – and these two lovely creatures over there..."

"You two! You got into the TARDIS! _What were you trying to do?_" the Doctor rushed them. Kurt and Blaine stared at him, clearly astonished. So that was the man who kidnapped them!

"We were not trying to do anything, _Doctor,_" Kurt snapped, "we were kidnapped by you and your phone-booth-slash-airplane-slash-whatever and then we were kicked out of it into this guy's," he pointed a finger at Magnus, "apartment. So if anyone here's to ask questions, it's us. What the heck?" Kurt breathed heavily. All of this was slowly getting ridiculous. They were in New York City. And they were being escorted around the city by a group of demon-hunters and a warlock. On top of all this, he was wearing a brand new Marc Jacobs, which was a gift my aforementioned warlock. _This is insane, _he thought.

"Easy there, mate, you might get wrinkles if you don't calm down. I'm the Doctor. And I was just about to take off in my TARDIS when you just walked in. So what was I to do, but dump you in the nearest place I could find? You had no business in there, but I had business in NY, so basically that's it," he spoke very fast, his thick British accent making the words hardly intelligible. Kurt and Blaine exchanged looks. That sounded... insane. But what wasn't insane tonight?

"Okay, can you drop us off where we left off then?" Blaine asked politely. The Doctor looked at him and then the rest of the group.

"Sorry, mate, no can do. Gotta pick up my new companion. Got aliens to hunt down. And, also, I don't want to," he said, "nice seeing you again, Magnus, give you a call if I'm around some time soon, okay?" he didn't wait for the warlock to answer and turned around and walked into the TARDIS. The group watched in astonishment as the blue box disappeared into this air.

"Nice guy, the Doctor... a little mad, but all geniuses are mad nowadays... coffee, anyone?" Magnus turned around to look at the rest of them. They were still speechless.

At this point, Kurt had had enough. He gripped Blaine's hand and turned to face Magnus, staring directly into his cat eyes.

"You listen to me, Sonic, I've had just about enough of all this. I have to go home. I have a book signing to attend tomorrow. I have classes. I have to stalk Patti Lupone in front of her hotel. And all this in _Ohio!_ And where am I right now? New York City! Center of the universe. Blah blah blah, I need to get home. So do some sort of hocus-pocus and disaparate me and my boyfriend home. _Right now!_" he screamed the last two words. The warlock was speechless before that boy's courage.

"There is a way," he began, looking not very pleased, "but that would take time. I can open up a Portal and send you home..."

"Yes, do that, thank you very much," Kurt basically ordered him to. Well, what other choice did they have anyways?

"Let's go to my place then. I have all the necessary stuff there,"

Once they were back at the apartment, things tended to go smoother than expected. Jace kept fussing around, while Clary was nagging him to go out and forget the whole moose ordeal.

"No, Clary," he kept saying, "you killed a moose. You're staying here another week. That's final."

"But Jace... I don't want to listen to these two having sex over and over and over again all night long!" she whined. Kurt laughed.

"Damn, you're a machine, Alec," Jace teased, successfully earning himself a mango in the … mango, "Ouch!"

"Would you guys shut up, I'm trying to concentrate!" Magnus shouted from where he was sitting on the floor, nose wrinkled and looking quite annoyed. The apartment had cleared out of its bar-esque furnishing, clearly the party wasn't happening tonight after all, "Okay, we're done here. You two," he pointed a finger at Kurt and Blaine, who were sitting on the couch holding hands, "in the circle. Okay, imagine the place you want to be transported to and just... concentrate on it. On the count of three... one...two...three..."

There was a blinding light and then everything went black. Kurt's eyes flew open and he looked around. He was in his car – engine running, which was new – and Blaine was sitting in the passenger seat next to him, his eyes fixed on the younger boy's.

"You alright?" he asked him with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine... we better get home before Dad throws another tantrum..." he answered with a smile.

"Man, that was one crazy night, don't you think?" Blaine laughed.

And thinking about it, it really was one hell of a crazy night. Damn...

"Hope it never happens again!"

And a few states over, in the Brooklyn apartment, Magnus sighed exhausted.

"Hope we never see these two again. Yeah, the Nymph was great, but who needs mundanes around, as long as I have my pretty little Shadowhunter here?" he smiled, leaning in to kiss Alec, earning himself an 'Ew!' from the general direction where Jace and Clary stood, "Oh shut up!"

Suddenly there was a bright flash of light and a dark-haired boy crashed into the coffee table. Everybody looked stunned, until he got on his feet.

"Oh no!" Jace groaned,"Get _out of here_ Edward!"


End file.
